It’s Scary Speaking Your Mind.

It’s scary speaking your mind. It’s scary telling the world exactly what’s going on inside your head.

You’re putting yourself out there for the world to judge you.

Is she a bit mental?

I think she has some issues…

I think she’s just attention seeking.

And so on.

This is the case for anyone that goes against the norm. In terms of everything. The things they say, the clothes they wear, the choices they make. If you go against the heard and follow a controversial route, eyebrows will undoubtedly be raised. You will be talked about. And no doubt sometime this will be positive, and sometimes negative.

I’ve been thinking a lot after yesterday’s post. I was pretty¬†upset when I wrote it, as my weigh in and subsequent photographs kind of brought home a few things to me, and confirmed my situation is real, and that I need to deal with it. My intention was to just bring up the issue of my weight, and the fact that I’m now going to do something about it. But as I started writing all my thoughts and feelings came flooding out onto the screen. If you follow me on twitter you’ll may have seen I was unsure whether to post or not, as it was a pretty intense piece of writing! But I thought, you know what, this is REAL, this is me. My thoughts and feelings that were happening there and then, so why shouldn’t I hit publish?? And I did.

The result was really rather surprising. I tweeted ‘Ok there you go. Feel free to judge or think I’m mental!!’ and kind of closed my eyes bracing myself for people’s replies to come through. I was totally overwhelmed with the amount of positive comments to my ’emotional’ outburst. People said they felt the same as me, or they had done at some point. People related to me, they understood me and offered their support and words of encouragement. And mostly I think they appreciated my honesty.

I just want to confirm a couple of things though, this post was my emotions pouring out right there and then, and some if it should be taken as abstract rather than literal. Such as ‘I want to be a better person. I want to be a good person’. I know I’m not a bad person, and my weight or issues with my weight and depression does not make me so. This was just an expression of my feelings I was experiencing at the time.

Due to the sheer volume of response and page views of my post yesterday. I think honesty is definitely the best policy. If you’re thinking it, it’s highly likely others will be too, but maybe too scared to say, or admit it out loud.

I pride myself by being a very honest, ‘take me as you find me’ kind of girl. So from now on I’m going to try to stay true to this with my writing too.

(Also I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone that comment or tweeted me about yesterday’s post xxx)




1 Comment

  1. 12 May, 2014 / 10:18 pm

    I’ve just caught up reading you posts and had to say well done for speaking your mind, I expect your finding that a lot of people are feeling just like you. I just wanted to say that its great that you are taking action now, to me size 16 isn’t fat and I know thats also not really the point but I wanted to point out the danger in “creep” . Creep is when you say to yourself well Its only a bit of extra fat then another bit goes on and another then you have a baby and a bit more creeps on and you get older. My story is that I’m overweight (was 19stone 2 at heaviest) and now 47 and have been diagnosed with liver problems, you might immediately think oh perhaps she’s had one too may glasses of wine over the years but no its not alcohol thats done it (I’ve always been practically teetotal) but being fat, officially called “non alcoholic fatty liver disease”. I’m at the position now that I’ve been told to lose weight or lose your liver, the damage is gone so far that if it gets any worse I will step over the line of no return, scirrhosis and no chance of my liver recovering awaits. Oh I knew before now that being overweight was not good for your health but I thought of it in general terms not as something specific like say cigarettes giving you cancer. I didn’t realise that being fat could destroy your liver and kill you which is the brutal truth and it doesn’t have lots of symptoms. I never had an even slightly abnormal cholesterol test. I am lucky that my GP picked up on the fact that routine blood tests showed inflammation somewhere in my system (and looked back and noticed similar results going back 6 years) which is usually ignored because it can mean anything even a sore throat. Now the choice is so stark I have found it really easy to loose weight and am glad to say I have now dropped three dress sizes and two stone although I have more to go. I decided to write this because I thought there might be a few people who would read your blog who might be overweight and heading in the same direction as me who might brush it off as just panicking over a few extra pounds and make excuses for being that way who might not realise the danger. If I frighten anyone then good, I wish I had been frightened 10 years ago!.

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